Timewasting: AFTN’s Must See Football TV In 2013

Not coming soon to a television screen near you, AFTN brings you a new season of must see football TV. Vancouver’s cable station of the imagination.

This year’s shows went down well, but the TV industry is so demanding that we had to come up with a whole new winter schedule to welcome us into 2013. Have any of your favourites made it back?

Here’s an exclusive sneak peak of our new weekday evening schedule:

MONDAY:

19.00 – 19.30: TWO BROKE GIRLS – Sitcom about two female TFC fans who like to bet on their team to win

19.30 – 20.00: RAISING HOPE – Vancouver Whitecaps weekly Residency round-up magazine show

20.00 – 21.00: CHEERS – Music reality show where supporters’ groups from around MLS battle to see if any of them can come up with an original song to call their own

21.00 – 22.00: VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE – Carl Valentine snaps whilst being forced to interview the ECS

22.00 – 23.00: FRINGE – Jay DeMerit sees which haircut will garner him the most publicity next

23.00 – 00.00: THE HIGH FRUCTOSE ADVENTURES OF ANNOYING ORANGE – Late night show hosted by Chris Wondolowski

TUESDAY:

19.00 – 20.00: ANTIQUES ROADSHOW – Montreal’s Alessandro Nesta, Marco di Vaio and Bernardo Corradi travel around Quebec looking for stairlifts

20.00 – 21.00: ONCE UPON A TIME – Toronto’s Paul Mariner sits in a cosy armchair in front of the fire rambling on and on with stories about how he used to win things

21.00 – 22.00: AMERICAN HORROR STORY – This week’s show chronicles Rafa Marquez’s time in MLS. Next week – Kris Boyd

22.00 – 23.00: ELEMENTARY – When a Scottish striker loses his touch, Sherlock Holmes and Dr Matt Watson are called in to investigate

23.00 – 00.00: CANADIAN PICKERS – The coaching staff of Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal take a look at the best candidates from the 2013 SuperDraft

WEDNESDAY:

19.00 – 20.00: DAYS OF OUR LIVES – Bobby Lenarduzzi, Carl Valentine and friends reminisce about the 1979 Soccer Bowl, 1986 World Cup and more

20.00 – 20.30: MR POTATO HEAD – Paul Mariner is Mr Potato Head in this new animated Toy Story spin off

20.30 – 21.00: AMERICAN DUD – Animation domination continues with the comical cartoon adventures of Chivas USA

21.00 – 22.00: CSI MIAMI – The Crap Soccer Investigation team head to Florida to find out why some people seem obsessed with trying to bring MLS back to a failed market like Miami. Next week CSI: Las Vegas.

22.00 – 23.00: GLEE – Whitecaps fans meet up to watch highlights from TFC games in their first six years in MLS

23.00 – 00.00: WORLD SERIES OF SNAP! – Ex Whitecap John Thorrington competes in the inaugural world championship of the popular card game, but there is confusion when he shouts ‘snap!’ and no-one is sure if it’s because of the cards in his hand or whether it’s his actual hand

THURSDAY:

19.00 – 20.00: LAST RESORT – Disaster strikes for Martin Rennie as a growing injury list forces him to play, gulp, Canadians

20.00 – 21.00: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES – Tom Anselmi and Earl Cochrane continue to suck the life out of Toronto FC

21.00 – 22.00: SHARK TANK – No deals to be made, just a bunch of Seattle supporters being fed to a tank of sharks. Comedy

22.00 – 23.00: AN IDIOT ABROAD – Fly on the wall series featuring the life of Dallas’ David Ferreira

23.00 – 00.00: AWKWARD – The do’s and dont’s of Twitter are covered by hosts Lee Nguyen and Long Tan

FRIDAY:

19.00 – 20.00: THE AMAZING RACISTS – The hit show returns. This week John Terry and Luis Suarez face elimination after misunderstanding the ‘colour commentary’ task

20.00 – 21.00: GAME OF THRONES – The epic drama across the continents continues. In Toronto, Winter is no longer coming. He been and gone and the carnage he’s left behind will take years to repair. Meanwhile across the Dothraki sea in Glasgow, a Lannister always pays his debts but it turns out Rangers don’t and they’ve gone to the dreaded Wall

21.00 – 23.00: FRIDAY FILM NIGHT – THE LIFE OF PIE – The Sigi Schmid story

23.00 – 00.00: THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH ERIC HASSLI – The big Frenchman returns to Vancouver to analyse his stoppage time goals against San Jose and TFC