Timewasting: AFTN’s Must See Football TV In 2015

Not coming soon to a television screen near you, AFTN brings you another new season of must see football TV. Vancouver’s cable station of the imagination.

The 2012, 2013 and 2014 shows went down well, got the ratings and fell on the right side of the bubble watch, but the TV industry is so demanding that we had to come up with a whole new schedule for the remainder of 2014 and into 2015. Have any of your favourites made it back?

Here’s an exclusive sneak peak of our new weekday evening schedule:

MONDAY

19.00 – 20.00: POINTLESS – The UK gameshow makes it to North America. This week the contestants try to give Sigi Schmid a salad.

20.00 – 21.00: GOT HAM – Tim Bezbatchenko assesses the Toronto FC squad that butchered their MLS playoff hopes once again. Comedy.

21.00 – 22.00: FLIP OR FLOP – Hosts Tarek and Christina follow Nigel Reo-Coker as he walks down a street full of bike racks. When he hits one, will he flip or will he flop? Either way, the team are on hand to give the Englishman a makeover.

22.00 – 00.00: MONDAY NIGHT MOVIES – MONSTER – Biopic chronicling the career so far of Vancouver Whitecaps’ Kendall Waston as he kills it in Major League Soccer.

TUESDAY

19.00 – 20.00: THE FLASH – Kekuta Manneh heads down to Seattle, but once again they can’t see him. The Central City Police investigate the Sounders defence as they feel their awareness is criminal.

20.00 – 21.00: NEVERLAND – New series reimagining the world of Peter Pan. A Toronto fanboy who wouldn’t grow up goes on a magical flight to try and find a world called Neverland. The mysterious land of playoffs where his football team of Lost Boys can’t reach.

21.00 – 22.00: PERSON OF INTEREST – The Machine gives Carl Robinson another name. Can he actually sign a striker this time before time runs out?

22.00 – 23.00: AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW – Spend some time with the Timbers Army as they watch their hopes and dreams disappear during a season of disappointment.

23.00 – 00.00: KITCHEN’S NIGHTMARES – DC United player Perry Kitchen hosts a new late night weekly show that looks at footballing gaffes and blunders. Tonight, Perry looks at Montreal Impact’s 2014 MLS season and the defensive play of Doneil Henry.

WEDNESDAY

19.00 – 20.00: THE BIGGEST LOSER – Caleb Porter shows what a flash in the pan he was by not making the MLS playoffs, blowing the Champions League and failing to win either the US Open Cup or the Cascadia Cup. What a loser!

20.00 – 21.00: THE MYSTERIES OF LAURA – This week the single mum juggles her job and bringing up two nightmare children whilst pondering just why the hell she even bothered to renew her TFC season ticket again.

21.00 – 22.00: THE WALKING DEAD – Documentary following Chivas USA players around North America during the final month of the MLS season.

22.00 – 00.00: CLASSIC MOVIE NIGHT – THE GREAT ESCAPE – A Vancouver based football club have a lucky escape when a has-been manager decides to make Chicago his new home instead and they have to turn to a fresh faced rookie to guide them to glory.

THURSDAY

19.00 – 19.30: TWO BROKE GIRLS – Comedy about two Toronto girls. Max and Caroline have to sell their ‘cupcakes’ on the street after listening to Tim Leiweke and betting their rent money on TFC making the playoffs.

19.30 – 20.00: SELFIE – Comedy about a footballer called Dom that thinks up fun ways and celebrations to make fans smile, but his bosses aren’t so pleased.

20.00 – 21.00: RESURRECTION – Documentary about DC United’s amazing turnaround of fortunes this season.

21.00 – 22.00: BREAKING BALD – Slowly but surely, MLS referees and managerial mishaps are getting to Toronto’s Michael Bradley and he’s starting to crack.

22.00 – 00.00: FIGHT NIGHT – Special midweek boxing card. Don Garber and Jurgen Klinsmann top this week’s bill in a fight for the US heavyweight title. Tonight’s exciting undercard features Martyn Pert v the whole of the Dallas bench and Sigi Schmid tries to fight ‘The Flab’ again, after failing before.

FRIDAY

19.00 – 19.30: BAD JUDGE – Ryan Nelsen explains what he looks for in players when assembling a squad.

19.30 – 20.00: BAD TEACHER – It’s a Ryan Nelsen double header! We get a fly on wall listen in on some of his locker room team talks.

20.00 – 21.00: NCCIS – The No Cascadia Cup In Seattle team once again troll Sounders fans by having photos taken with the famous trophy at various Seattle landmarks.

21.00 – 23.00: FRIDAY FILM NIGHT – SNAKES ON A PLANE – A Brazilian footballer and his agent leave his club in a mess as they chase some filthy lucre down Mexico way.

23.00 – 00.00: THE URUGUAYAN LATE LATE SHOW – Nicolas Mezquida and Sebastian Fernandez present abridged highlights of their last ditch heroics for Vancouver Whitecaps at Real Salt Lake in April.