Timewasting: Top Ten Signs That The 2011 MLS Season Isn’t Going To Be Your Team’s Year

(10) They win the coin toss and do a lap of honour

(9) Just to be on the safe side, they’re playing ten at the back

(8) Team beaten by elementary school kids brought in for the half-time kickabout

(7) During second-half, you notice players leaving early to beat the traffic

(6) Your top striker keeps losing possession with his frequent cigarette breaks

(5) Inner-ear condition makes it impossible for your right-back to stay between sidelines

(4) Your best midfielder gets injured licking stamps

(3) One of last year’s mascots is this year’s goalkeeper

(2) Your new winger runs so damn fast against the rotation of the earth that he goes back in time to when they didn’t even have football and the old-time locals gather around him, make fun of his shorts, then beat the shit out of him

(1) You support Toronto FC