A View From The Southside #1

There’s no denying that the game on Wednesday was pretty dire stuff. The Impact had promised to put on a good show for their fans. That seemed to mean wasting time for most of the second half and showing themselves up for the scum that they are.

It was the biggest waste of time in Canadian football in fact since Toronto’s annual production of playoff merchandise.


The Sportsnet commentators for Wednesday night’s Voyageurs Cup match in Montreal were woeful. It was almost enough to drive you to listening to the French chick on RDS. Aye, right.

Between them going on about DouDou and Aaboubou, I wasn’t sure if they had a bad stutter or to expect Yogi Bear to have a shot in the commentary box and talk about picnic baskets.

The doddery duo seemed to get confused a little too easily, especially when the Caps were warming up Simon Thomas.

It was the most confused I’d been watching a game since an English Championship match a couple of years ago between Wolves and West Brom. I spent the whole match looking for a player on the pitch called Ray Darby, but to no avail. It was strange for I was sure that I heard the announcer in the pre match promo telling me “to stay tuned to see the big black cunt Ray Darby”. Ears clearly playing tricks again.


For those of you wondering why the Montreal Ultras were so quiet at Wednesday’s game it was due to them having a beach party, complete with inflatable beach balls, crocodiles and even a paddling pool.

No one had seen such a collection of plastics in the stands since the last match at BMO Field.


I’ll admit I was a bit down after the match, so decided to head downtown to one of our sponsor pubs to drown my sorrows. I soon cheered up though when I got sitting beside a table of three pretty girls.

The first was from Ottawa. Really into politics. She said her father taught her everything she knew. The second was from Vancouver. Really into hiking and the outdoor life. She said her father taught her everything she knew. The third girl was from Montreal. Really into sex….


Unfortunately we have to finish on a more sombre note.

I received an email during the week asking me if I would donate some money to help fund a funeral for a former Montreal player. The email was asking for a dollar.

Sceptical, I replied asking “only one dollar to bury a Montreal player?”

I got a reply confirming yes, so have now sent them ten bucks along with a note which says “Here’s a tenner. Bury nine more of the bastards.”


[For background to this new section of the Blog see the Southsiders Forum. Apologies for the lack of updates in the Blog recently. Remember though that you can check out the daily AFTN Football Blog HERE which often has a Whitecaps and North American slant.]
Authored by: Michael McColl

There are 5 comments for this article
  1. Anonymous at 14:53

    Good stuff. I see some stand up comedy in your future.

  2. royalcity at 20:52

    love it

  3. Anonymous at 21:42


  4. Krammerhead at 08:10

    Hey anonymous from May 31. Fuck off you shit stain. The only thing lame is you, you semen dripping that dripped down you mothers leg after a night of her whoring.

  5. High_Contrast at 14:06

    I look forward to next year, your beautiful CFL sized plastic field, possibly complete with fadded pointyball lines, and watching you get owned again…and again. I mean you better hope that you can replace that whole roster, considering couldn't even score a goal against Montreal or TFC's junior B team, that's disgraceful. I'm guessing you have to have a sense of humour for that.

    And after the initial MLS excitment dies, when you've had a solid 3 years of suck because no one decent wants to play on an indoor plastic CFL used pitch, you'll be lucky to have HALF the support TFC gets. That giant toilet bowl is going to become empty faster than Vancourites turn on Luongo……but I'm sure you'll still be cracking jokes then too. I know I'll be laughing.

    See you next year.

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